dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
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I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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