THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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