every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
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I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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