Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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