I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
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Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize