I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
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In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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