just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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