weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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