You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize