Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize