Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
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Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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