If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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