we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
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So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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