I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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