i would punch a child for taco bell
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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