just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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