I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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