I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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