I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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