We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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