Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
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sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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