the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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