I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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