dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
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How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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