we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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