trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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