i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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