Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize