my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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