It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize