My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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