I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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