There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
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also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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