Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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