I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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