In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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