i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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