Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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