Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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