wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
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Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
third nipple confirmed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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