guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
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Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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