low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have fence marks all over my body
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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