I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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