my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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