what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Drake has all the answers
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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