just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's shark week go big or go home
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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