mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize