OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize