Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize