were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize